a bunch of nonsense...

So I have been bored today, I really didn't eat much today at all and I dk I just didn't feel hungry. all i had was some chicken rice and beans, that's it and that was my lunch, and i haven't had anything besides that, I didn't have breakfast since i woke up late today and I haven't had dinner and I probably won't since i don't feel like eating much.
  Today, I just feel like blah, I don't know how to explain it, I am going through some difficult times and even though they are there I try to ignore them and I try not to think about it as much, hoping it will all go away.
I've noticed that I really haven't posted much about myself. so I felt like doing a little bit of a short biography lol.
I am bored and I don't know what to really talk about, but I feel like typing and letting things out, it makes me feel better sometimes. so I will type some short stuff about myself. :) lol

well I am Latin American , I am 23 years old and my birthday is actually coming up soon its november 18!! I am excited for that date since Breaking Dawn twilight saga comes out! lol
I am a nerd lol I went to college for computer animation and visual effects, I love drawing and painting and I am trying to start a small business selling my artwork online, I graduated college and I actually have a Bachelors in Fines Arts and a Masters in Fine Arts, even though I have been successful in my life as far as graduating school and becoming a professional, getting a job in this industry kinda blows, its extremely hard and I need to know alot of people to get somewhere, so I am hoping soon sometime i will get my artwork out there.
I decided to make this blog, because for a while I was really depressed with my weight, I wouldn't say I have an ED but sometimes I just feel like not eating so i lose weight and feel good about myself. I made this  blog because i wanted to just be able to express myself and no one really judges me or makes me feel like I am an idiot or stupid, and also to motivate myself, and maybe i can motivate others that might feel the same or worse than what i feel. I sometimes feel really good and sometimes i feel like crap, its weird but I try to stay strong, and I try to set myself goals so i can lose the weight i want, sometimes i want to do it in the unhealthy way and i know its bad but sometimes i don't care.. and sometimes i just try to do it the healthy way but i get impatient about it, my husband always tells me I am beautiful and that I have an amazing body, but when i look in the mirror i don't see that at all!, i feel crappy, and fat... I think i have more of a distortion view of myself, i don't know .. I feel if i was really skinny and i could see my hip bones more i would feel more beautiful. I wish i could see myself how my husband sees me.  but all i can do is just fight this and try my best to just lose the weight i want and see how i feel and i guess i will go from there i don't know. I hope one day I just wake up and see myself like everyone else sees me, and I feel happier about that.I have a long history of how i used to be when i was an teenager, but when i was like 15-16 i was so skinny and so small i used to weigh 98lbs, I know i got older and i got more curves as i got older and me being latin just makes it more. but i don't wish i was 98lbs again but i do wish i was maybe 105. and feel like i used to feel back when i was a teenager. I hope i can hit that goal some day. I hope the distortion of beauty that i have created in my brain one day it will go away..